


A creep learns his lesson multiple times

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Series: Fluffyverse [3]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anya Jenkins lives, Cordelia Chase Lives, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Handcuffs, Kinky, Multiple times, Not Andrew friendly, Post-Episode: s05e22 Not Fade Away, Post-Episode: s07e22 Chosen, Post-Season/Series 05, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Post-Season/Series 07, Post-Season/Series 07 Finale, Post-Season/Series Finale, Romance, Sequel, Sex, Tara Maclay Lives, Walking In On Someone, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce Lives, Winifred "Fred" Burkle lives, for fun, most of them anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29289909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: To heal his wounds, Andrew needs to teleport to the infirmary, but the spell keeps going wrong, and he keeps walking in on couples during their intimate moments. Pure crack fic. Sequel to 'Team Angel v. Team Spike- Civil War' and 'Heroes v. a brat and a creep'. Not for Andrew fans.
Relationships: Angel (BtVS)/Cordelia Chase, Spike/Buffy Summers, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Winifred "Fred" Burkle/Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Xander Harris/Anya Jenkins
Series: Fluffyverse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189988
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	A creep learns his lesson multiple times

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Buffyverse or anything else you may recognize
> 
> And now, I have a 3rd part to this little one-shot series, which I have lovingly named- "Almost everyone in Buffyverse lives happily ever after, other than the horrible characters, and some whose deaths, while saddening, weren't unnecessarily cruel". Long, but fits.
> 
> So this is obviously a sequel one-shot, the previous two are 'Team Angel v. Team Spike- Civil War' and 'Heroes v. a brat and a creep', and this little one-shot series is a post-series AU for both the shows where MOST of the dead characters are still alive because FUCK JOSS AND MARTI!
> 
> So thank you to Bl4ckHunter for this idea, and once more, not for Andrew fans.

Andrew was sitting on a couch in the Slayer base, groaning in pain, the blood from the claw marks had dried out and clotted, but it was still painful, and he was still sore from being stung badly everywhere.

He needed to get some medicine for his wounds. So getting up, he chanted a teleportation spell. He didn't have much experience with it, but with how badly he was hurting, he decided to use it.

And then, instead of the infirmary, he found himself in a bedroom, and what he saw made his jaw drop as drool poured out.

Cordelia was lying on the bed in her bra and panties, Angel over her, naked except for his underwear, the two kissing as Angel also kissed over her neck, before stopping and breathing a little.

"Trying not to be perfectly happy?" She asked.

"Yeah, can't take any risks, you don't mind, right?" Angel asked.

"No, I mean, you are great at pleasing me, but life is important too", Cordelia said and they smiled as they kissed again.

"Oh my God! Angel has performance issues!" Andrew blurted out, and that was when the two turned to notice him.

"AARGHH! BLOODY CREEP!" Cordelia screamed, wrapping the bedsheets around herself as Angel got up, glaring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Angel asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"Uh…I was teleporting….then it went….."

"So to get back at us for being pranked, which you deserved, you decide to teleport to our bedroom and watch us have sex", Angel said as Andrew gulped backing off.

"I'm sorry-"

He was cut off when Angel grabbed him by the collar and punched his face hard, making him spit out blood as he groaned in pain, then Angel kneed his abdomen, then lifting him up, threw him right on the bed as Cordelia moved away.

He started getting up with a groan, only for Cordelia to knee him in the region as he fell to his knees, holding it in pain.

"Angel goes slow for safety reasons, but he's amazing at pleasing me, but now I'm sure you're gonna have performance issues", Cordelia said with a cruel smirk. "Though I don't think I needed to do that for you to have performance issues."

"Get out", Angel snarled, coming to stand next to Cordelia.

Andrew chanted and disappeared. Angel and Cordelia turned to each other with smiles as he asked. "So, wanna continue?"

"Yeah, let's forget he came here", Cordelia said as they kissed and resumed where they'd left off.

* * *

Andrew was now in another bedroom, and what he saw was giving him a boner. Buffy was cuffed to two of the bedposts, only in her bra and panties, while a shirtless Spike was giving her a cruel smirk.

"So Slayer, you are helpless now, I can do whatever I want", Spike said as he kneeled to her and grabbed her by the face. "It's up to you what I do to you now. You have some choices-"

"A Vampire doing a Slayer at his mercy! Holy shit, this is the best thing ever!" Andrew blurted out, and then the two turned to him, jaws dropping, and blushed furiously.

"You bloody little creep! All those cuts and stings and you still didn't learn?" Spike asked incredulously as Andrew now started backing.

"Sorry man, it was a mist-"

"Spike, uncuff me", Buffy requested.

"You can break out of 'em", Spike reminded.

"Yeah, but these are the only ones we have, I wanna use 'em again for play when we're done with him", Buffy pointed out.

"Ah, got it", Spike said as he took out the keys from his pants and unlocked Buffy's cuffs, freeing her as she got up, the two glaring at Andrew.

"Please, I'm so-"

He was cut off when Buffy backhanded him, sending him to the ground as he spat out a broken tooth at this point. "You are such a creepy, lying, ogling-"

"I am so-"

Spike kicked his kneecap, making him scream in pain again.

"He loved seeing our play, let's play with him a little, Vampire", Buffy said with a cruel smirk.

"I like your thinking, Slayer", Spike said, tapping her head with his finger as they grabbed Andrew by each arm and carried him to the bedpost, cuffing him now.

"What are you gon-"

He was cut off when Buffy slapped him hard, and then Spike kicked his chest in a spin motion, making him spit more blood.

"Please, lemme-"

Buffy punched his face twice, and Spike elbowed his head, dazing him badly.

Then Spike took out the keys and unlocked the cuffs, and Buffy grabbed him by the back of the shirt, pushing him off. "Get out of here!"

Andrew chanted and was off again, as Buffy sat near the bedpost again. "Cuff me, Vampire, I am yours."

"Sure you are, Slayer", Spike smirked as he started cuffing her to the bedposts again with the two cuffs.

* * *

Andrew was now in a bedroom again, and saw Willow and Tara, completely naked, in a certain position where both women could please each other simultaneously.

"Huh! This I like!" Andrew muttered stupidly, and then the two turned to him and let out loud screams.

"IT WAS A MISTAKE! I'M SO-"

He was cut off when the two chanted something and Andrew screamed in pain as his sting marks, cuts and bruises started burning up in pain.

"GET OUT!" Willow screamed.

"Or she'll go dark on you", Tara threatened as Andrew screamed before chanting with gritted teeth and was off already.

"So, shall we continue?" Willow asked Tara.

"Yeah, who cares about creeps in pain?" Tara chuckled as the two went down on each other again.

* * *

Andrew was still moaning in pain as he found himself in another bedroom, and saw Wesley and Fred at it, both completely naked except Fred's panties and Wesley's trunks.

His moaning made the two notice him as Fred let out a scream, jumping off the bed, covering her assets with the bedsheets as she ran to Andrew. "YOU CREEP!"

Then she slapped him once, twice, multiple times, from both sides of her hand, making him cry out in pain as the slaps left hand-prints on his face.

"Fred, Fred", Wesley said gently, pulling her off of him. "Let me handle this."

Fred glared at Andrew as Wesley walked to his discarded pants, and took out a switchblade, making Andrew gulp.

Wesley twirled it, and then smacked Andrew on the nose, making him grasp it in pain as he backed off, while Wesley gave him a dark look.

"You should learn some decency", Wesley said darkly as he opened the switchblade, the blade now showing, while Andrew gulped. "Maybe this will teach you."

And then he stabbed Andrew in the shoulder, and the knife went through it into his armpit, making him scream in pure pain with tears in his eyes.

"It's not fatal at all, but try to move that arm or take the knife out, you will only hurt yourself worse", Wesley said with a cruel smirk, and Fred had a matching one. "Now get out of here."

Andrew chanted painfully and was gone again.

He then turned to Fred who said. "Now that was a turn-on."

"I know, I am irresistible", Wesley smirked as the two kissed, resuming their bedtime activities.

* * *

Now Andrew found himself in another bedroom, and this time it was Xander and Anya, both in their inners, and then they noticed Andrew, jumping off the bed as Anya got up. "What? You think you can just join us like that? Unless we get a 2nd Xander, no threesomes!"

"You little weasel!" Xander snarled as he grabbed Andrew by the back of his shirt and punched his face and abdomen, making him scream in pain. "And you even got knifed, like you deserved."

"So Andrew, do you want to make a wish?" Anya asked with a smirk, as Xander stopped, realizing what she was doing (In this AU, Anya used a ritual to get some of her powers back post Season 7, though its low scale compared to what she could do, and doesn't really use them other than a few situations).

"Uhhh, yeah, can I?" Andrew asked.

"Sure, anything you want", Anya said as Xander put an arm around her.

"I wish to have sex!" Andrew said happily.

"Done", Anya said as a portal to a Hell Dimension opened, and a skinless Warren leapt out, under some kind of spell.

"Andrew, please have sex with me!" Skinless Warren said, his hands raised out, as Andrew let out a scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then he fainted as Anya turned her hand and skinless Warren was sucked back into the Hell Dimension.

"I love you so much, and you reminded me why", Xander said.

"Make me orgasm in return", Anya smiled as the two kissed again.

* * *

Later, after Xander and Anya had finished pleasing each other, they were sleeping with expressions of pleasure as Andrew woke up with a groan, and chanting, teleported again.

* * *

Now Andrew wasn't in a bedroom, but outside the shower, and his luck was horrible again as he saw a naked Faith walk out of the shower, still wet from the water.

Then she noticed him. "Oh, come here to see my tits, little creep?"

"Sorry, it was a mi-"

"Oh, and you're knifed too", Faith said before suddenly drop kicking him, sending him flying back as he fell to the ground, cracking it while he groaned in pain, getting up.

"Yeah, that was Wesley when I walked in on him and Fr-"

"Oh, so I'm not the only one you're ogling today", Faith muttered as she grabbed him by the collar. "Wesley hurt you pretty well, he's something else."

Then she pulled the knife out, making Andrew scream in pain. "But if it was me, I would have gone a little more personal."

And with that, she swung near Andrew's region, and then managed to land a good cut right on the side of his thing, making him scream in pain as he fell down.

She then turned him around and literally kicked his ass, sending him flying out.

There, he saw a magical projection of Tobey Maguire looking down on him, his hair styled to look like a bully.

"Awww, look at little Wells Jr. You gonna cry?" Bully Maguire asked mockingly before disappearing as Dawn, who had conjured it, let out a laugh.

"Yes, I'm gonna cry", Andrew said, and then started crying before trying again and this time, finally reached the infirmary, applying the magical medicines to himself, but after this incident, he never ogled anyone, man or woman, ever again, and knew his place.

**Author's Note:**

> And done. Don't care if I went overboard, but the creep deserved it all.
> 
> And come on! I know Spike is ensouled, but I don't buy that he and Buffy don't have kinky sex, because both like it rough. Yeah, I know I'm a perv, kill me later *snickers*
> 
> And come on! Bully Maguire! Who doesn't love him? Go Dawnie!
> 
> Anyway, hope all enjoyed and see you all next time with some other update. Stay safe from the coronavirus ya all!


End file.
